Funny history jokes for school
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Associate Teaching Professor of Linguistics at UC San Diego
Director of UCSD's Computational Social Science Program
As my students are sadly aware, I’m a connoisseur of really awful puns and wordplay. I’ve been collecting them for years, sharing with friends and family, and posting them on social media with the #crappypuns hashtag. Some are Will Styler originals, some were given to me by friends, and many were found around the web. All are just awful. Since many of these were found online, and many have been passed around for years before online was a thing, I claim no copyright or otherwise on these puns, and unless a specific source is noted, the source is unclear, or perhaps, me.
So, here’s a small part of my pun collection, ones that my friends and students have already heard, shared for the betterment (?) of the internet in general. I’ll update from time to time as I find more or more arrive on my doorstep.
Presented in no particular order, with long-form puns or puns with similar attribution separated out.
Last Update: 9/29/24
How can you spot a nosy
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30 History Jokes We Dare You Not To Laugh At
History is usually no laughing matter, but sometimes we can’t help but LOL at modern interpretations of the past. Here are 30 irreverent history jokes to share with your students.
Plus, be sure to click the button below and fill out the form on this page to get a free set of Google Slides featuring each of the history jokes below. They make it easy to share these jokes in your classroom!
Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock!
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
Because he couldn’t lie.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th!
What did Mason say to Dixon?
This is where we draw the line!
How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles?
Baroque.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom!
Why did Columbus cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do Alexander the Great and •
A few years ago, browsing in a dusty used-book store in Maine, I came across a curious volume. It was a fat, tattered paperback bearing the title “Rationale of the Dirty Joke.” Its author, I saw from the sixties-style futuristic cover, was G. Legman. Taking it off the shelf and riffling though its badly oxidized pages, I found that it contained what looked like thousands of erotic and scatological jokes, arranged under such themes as “coital postures,” “the big inch,” and “zoöphily.” These jokes were accompanied by Freudian-style commentary, along with random animadversions on aspects of sixties life, like Zip Codes, hippies, women who swear, and Marshall McLuhan. The most striking aspect of the volume was the author’s esoteric scholarship, exemplified by this sentence from the introduction:
Particular attention should be drawn to three rare works presenting Modern Greek, Arabic, and other Levantine erotic tales and foolstories: La Fleur Lascive Orientale (‘Oxford’ [Bruxelles: Gay & Mlle. Doucé], 1882), anonymously translated from the originals by J.-A. Decourdemanche, an
A few years ago, browsing in a dusty used-book store in Maine, I came across a curious volume. It was a fat, tattered paperback bearing the title “Rationale of the Dirty Joke.” Its author, I saw from the sixties-style futuristic cover, was G. Legman. Taking it off the shelf and riffling though its badly oxidized pages, I found that it contained what looked like thousands of erotic and scatological jokes, arranged under such themes as “coital postures,” “the big inch,” and “zoöphily.” These jokes were accompanied by Freudian-style commentary, along with random animadversions on aspects of sixties life, like Zip Codes, hippies, women who swear, and Marshall McLuhan. The most striking aspect of the volume was the author’s esoteric scholarship, exemplified by this sentence from the introduction:
Particular attention should be drawn to three rare works presenting Modern Greek, Arabic, and other Levantine erotic tales and foolstories: La Fleur Lascive Orientale (‘Oxford’ [Bruxelles: Gay & Mlle. Doucé], 1882), anonymously translated from the originals by J.-A. Decourdemanche, an
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